I can see it clearly in your eyes. The loss, regrets, and sadness. It is like a mirror. They all reflect what seems to be a silhouette, a figure of myself. Well, it is me after all.

I’ve caused all of this. I let this to happen. That’s right, it’s all my fault.

“Forgot anything?” you told me like there’s nothing wrong.

“None. I’m all set. ” I answered as I put my luggage on the cart.

I can feel our voices shaking. I tried to smile at you, but I gave a slight awkward smirk that never had the chance to convey, I’m okay as of the moment.

The moment I looked at you for the last time, I was able to recall the first time I saw you. The way you present yourself, rugged but decent, that deep color of your eyes, your adorable smile, and your serene voice when you asked my name. Never had a hint of neglect. You’ve improved.

The moment I looked at you for the last time, I was able to recall the reasons why I fell in love with you. Your intriguing demeanor, you’re too modest for a guy when in fact you have a lot of things to be proud of. Your lovely mindset, like the outer space – it’s full of wonders that I won’t get tired exploring. Your passion that makes you look so hot, ever so bright and burning – people should see your work of art. Where are those now? You’ve changed.

Wish I could tell you how much I am proud you.

You’ve become the better version of yourself, but no longer better for me.

“I tried to make it work.” I blurted out.

“I’m well aware.” you answered.

In just a week, I tried to rekindle what we’ve lost for the past three years. We’ve gone our separate ways but we never lost our contact, our communication. We tried to exert a huge amount of effort in becoming what we expect from ourselves, the ideal us.

But still, everything was futile. I like this country, but this is not the place for me. I like every opportunity it has to offer me, but not one is well suited for me. I like you, but I’m no longer the one for you.

No reason for us to stay together.

We’re going back from where we started, searching.

Before I leave and head out to board the plane, I bid my goodbye.

I can see it clearly in your eyes. Your tears, swelling up. Your true feelings peeking out.

I asked myself.

Should we kiss?

Should I give you a kiss?

Should we have our one last kiss?


–  Janseb, May 2017








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