I can see it clearly in your eyes. The loss, regrets, and sadness. It is like a mirror. They all reflect what seems to be a silhouette, a figure of myself. Well, it is me after all.
I’ve caused all of this. I let this to happen. That’s right, it’s all my fault.
“Forgot anything?” you told me like there’s nothing wrong.
“None. I’m all set. ” I answered as I put my luggage on the cart.
I can feel our voices shaking. I tried to smile at you, but I gave a slight awkward smirk that never had the chance to convey, I’m okay as of the moment.
The moment I looked at you for the last time, I was able to recall the first time I saw you. The way you present yourself, rugged but decent, that deep color of your eyes, your adorable smile, and your serene voice when you asked my name. Never had a hint of neglect. You’ve improved.
The moment I looked at you for the last time, I was able to recall the reasons why I fell in love with you. Your intriguing demeanor, you’re too modest for a guy when in fact you have a lot of things to be proud of. Your lovely mindset, like the outer space – it’s full of wonders that I won’t get tired exploring. Your passion that makes you look so hot, ever so bright and burning – people should see your work of art. Where are those now? You’ve changed.
Wish I could tell you how much I am proud you.
You’ve become the better version of yourself, but no longer better for me.
“I tried to make it work.” I blurted out.
“I’m well aware.” you answered.
In just a week, I tried to rekindle what we’ve lost for the past three years. We’ve gone our separate ways but we never lost our contact, our communication. We tried to exert a huge amount of effort in becoming what we expect from ourselves, the ideal us.
But still, everything was futile. I like this country, but this is not the place for me. I like every opportunity it has to offer me, but not one is well suited for me. I like you, but I’m no longer the one for you.
No reason for us to stay together.
We’re going back from where we started, searching.
Before I leave and head out to board the plane, I bid my goodbye.
I can see it clearly in your eyes. Your tears, swelling up. Your true feelings peeking out.
I asked myself.
Should we kiss?
Should I give you a kiss?
Should we have our one last kiss?
– Janseb, May 2017